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How I See You: first son {Day 4}

If I think about the possibility of not being around for my children… next week, next year, or in ten or twenty years, my heart constricts so hard it’s physically painful.

Maybe I have a tendency to dwell on morbid thoughts like these, but hubby and I did go through with getting life insurance this summer, so that topic was on my mind for many weeks as we filled out paperwork and had physical exams and discussed our thoughts and plan for “what if?”

What if… I know God holds our future and our children’s, and that is not the part I worry about. I worry about whether my boys will really know their mother if I should suddenly be gone? will they know the heart I have for them? will they know all I hope and pray for them? will they know how beautiful they are to me?

So in the spirit of telling my children right now how I love them… so they will have this for down the road, I am going to write each boy a poem about how I see them…

parenting poem

To my first boy,

who glided nearly silently into our world,

though the night had been eleven hours long…

you are my quiet one.

no, not in volume always, but in spirit.

 

each morning you glide silently to my bedside,

unseen until your nose touches mine.

it’s too much to ask you to close your eyes for sleep

you are my wakey-owl, sharp-eyed, observing,

eagerly drinking the world in long drafts,

your mouth round in wonder at the moon, the stars, the lights of planes passing

or even how the digital clock moves time along.

 

it’s the quiet water that moves most easily at a pebble.

I see the ripples, trembles, echoing out

at each disturbance

but I also see your strength, as you still yourself,

return to equilibrium

quiet your body with a strength well-past your four years.

I see a lot of your father in you.Father's Day 2014

I see you wonder at your world,

I see you hold back at the unfamiliar,

I see you try out new ideas and words under your breath hours later,

I see you work hard at loving, taking cues

I see you waiting for that other kid to notice you,

and holding back the tears when he walks away.

I see a lot of me in you.

first boy on the beach fathers day

You build, construct, destruct,

Legos, train tracks, paper roads,

You know the difference between pretend and real

and move fluidly between them both.

 

You sing, an untrained voice I love to hear,

You dance, a silly scarecrow all arms and legs,

You run, a new delight

You paint and color and draw and cut and glue and paste

You create.

 

how you are a juxtaposition!

sensitive and strong,

bold and meek,

careless and careful,

thoughtful and oblivious

student and teacher

 

Lake CompounceYou love Jesus and Bible stories

and Sunday School

memory verses are easy as drinking water for you

and I pray your thirst for knowledge grows

into a thirst for understanding

of Him and that Life-giving Water.

 

I have so much to teach you, my boy.

you are four. you are still new.

I didn’t realize how much you would have to teach me too:

patience and forgiveness and intentions and integrity

and why sometimes we have to leave the laundry and go outside because

the sun is out

and I don’t know how long before these days glide silently

into a memory.how I see you parenting poetry

***

Just a note of reflection as I go through this Write 31 Days challenge. I’m putting together these posts on the fly at this points. So I’m looking at them as “rough draft” or “2nd draft” level writing. I hope you’ll bear with me. I’m already critiquing this poem to myself, and wish I had the time to get more specific and personal about some of these points. That will be something I work on as I go through the month.

Feel free to leave constructive feedback on any of my posts. I’m a former English teacher – I can take it! 🙂

Click the button to see the landing page for this entire series!

Poetry of Parenting Boys

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ANNE DISS

Friday 12th of July 2019

Hi Julie, I stumbled across your site by accident and am loving it, thank you! I think there's a special kinship that forms between moms of boys, and I was moved to tears by your poem to your eldest son. I'd love to do something similar, and may get to that this summer. My oldest is 13 now, and I while I am happy to see him become a strong and happy (although slightly adolescent-angsty) young man, I also yearn for those blissful days when he was little and I could fix most of life's problems with a cuddle and a cookie. Thanks again from France- love how internet brings people together!

Shari

Tuesday 7th of October 2014

Julie, you know I'm no poetry writer at all, so I have no critiques for you. But it was beautifully expressed and I can so relate to so many things you wrote. And as an aside, J-man keeps asking if the A-man can sleep over. Lol. I told him we don't really do sleep overs and he lives kind of far away for that anyway. :-) One of these days when you want to see the Niagara Falls, Hotel A will be ready... We'll leave the porch light on for ya. ;-)

Shari

Tuesday 7th of October 2014

Julie, you know I'm no poetry writer at all, so I have no critiques for you. But it was beautifully expressed and I can so relate to so many things you wrote. And as an aside, J-man keeps asking if the A-man can sleep over. Lol. I told him we don't really do sleep overs and he lives kind of far away for that anyway. :-) One of these days when you want to see the Niagara Falls, Hotel A will be ready... We'll leave the porch light on for ya. ;-)

Sarah G.

Saturday 4th of October 2014

I just wanted to let you know that I am greatly enjoying your posts so far this month! I'm not much of a writer myself, but I like to read good poetry. :)

Sarah G.

Saturday 4th of October 2014

I just wanted to let you know that I am greatly enjoying your posts so far this month! I'm not much of a writer myself, but I like to read good poetry. :)

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