Like Chopsticks for Steak

To be nobody but yourself
in a world which is doing its best day and night to make you like everybody else
means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight
and never stop fighting. 
~e e cummings

One thing I didn’t expect about raising a child was how soon you can see their personality start to come out. It’s fun to see my son “being himself” in various ways. He likes to imitate sounds, wave his hands around for no apparent reason, and practice alternately talking “TOO LOUD” and then “quiet.” I definitely want to nurture the pleasant aspects I’m starting to see, like his love of laughter, child-like wonder, excitement over small things, and his desire to include others.

Popular advice I always heard growing up was to “be yourself.” Countless times when I was worried or nervous about how to present myself, I was told “just be yourself, and people will like you.” And yet, sometimes I wonder if people really mean that. I think it can be really hard to “be yourself.” People can be very critical over the smallest things! For instance, when I am REALLY excited, my voice and laughter tends to rise a bit above what might be considered normal. That’s just me, being myself – yet I’ve been “shushed” by a friend or family member, simply for enjoying myself or the moment. As if a burst of laughter hurts anyone. I see parents do this with their children – apolgizing for them or being embarrassed when their kids are not being rude or doing wrong, just being… silly kids! And of course, we all remember being teenagers when the idea of our parents “being themselves” much less being within 20 feet of us was totally embarrassing!

So… sometimes I wonder if people actually mean: “be yourself, … as long as it doesn’t embarrass me, inconvenience me, or challenge my personal or political beliefs…at which point I will ask you to stop being yourself and conform to MY idea of normal.” Hmm…?? I’m not suggesting a deconstruction of social norms (how unpleasant! I would like you to cover your mouth when you sneeze, thank you!). I’m not saying children shouldn’t learn there is a “time and place” for certain activities. I’m talking more about learning to accept each other’s (and especially family member’s) personality quirks and creative expressions. Learning to recognize them for standing out and being themselves.

Case in point… my dad – well, I pretty much think he’s the coolest person around – he makes me laugh a lot, is very wise, and a good listener. Plus, he is quirky. I have some of those quirks (like the impulse to make sound effects for simple things like picking up the salt shaker). Last week, he went to a men’s steak dinner at my church where the men were supposed to bring their own utensils. My dad left the house with a pair of chopsticks in his pocket. Chopsticks, for steak!! How hilarious is that!? I am sure he got teased … but I thought it was ingenious! He wouldn’t have anything to wash up at the end of the night! I was proud of him for doing what he wanted to do, because he felt like it…and he had a logical rationale, too. I’m sure he took some teasing for his chopsticks… but I gave him a standing ovation for being original and “just being himself.”

I’m really talking to myself here … about letting my son be himself, and not making apologies for his personality or being embarrassed if he wants to do something creative, different, or unusual. If he wants to learn to play the accordian, paint with his toes, or walk backwards in the mall just for fun… or if he wants to eat steak with chopsticks… I hope I mean it when I tell him that he should just “be himself.”

Because most importantly, God made my son, quirks and all… wonderfully, perfectly… I want him to value being God’s unique creation. I want him to be confident and bold in who God made him to be. I’m thinking if my children feel love and acceptance inside our family for the small things like personality traits and creativity, we will help build in them the strength when they have accepted Christ, to stand out from the crowd and “let their light shine” and not be afraid to “be themselves” as Christians too… Maybe I’m rambling here, which I don’t like to do on the blog, but I started with a quote from a secular author and a personal story that both had me thinking about parenthood… and I’m ending up coming back to how Christ would want us to live as individuals… I think it’s a good place to end up…

Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.
~Mark 5:16

Have you always felt like you could “be yourself” in every situation? What about allowing your kids to be themselves – is that hard for you ever?