Meet Jane: Modeling Lives of Love for Children

Meet Jane:

I’m pretty sure Jane Roets and/or her husband were among the first people I met when my now-husband introduced me to his friends. Her warm smile made me feel welcome as the “new girl.”

Our husbands work together, so I’ve had many opportunities to get together with Jane over the years, and fond memories of Pig Roasts at their house in the fall.

Even before becoming a mom, I always watched moms to see how they “did it.” Seeing Jane love and mother her children (you probably didn’t even realize I was paying attention, Jane!) in such a tender, yet independence-encouraging way made me want to aspire to that kind of mothering.

Oh and we have a connection on the whole cloth diapering thing – she introduced me to Mother-Ease diapers, which were among the very FIRST that I reviewed!

Jane has three children – nearly two out of the nest, and one lovely high schooler. As she contemplates launching her babies into the world, I think she is a mom with a lot of wisdom to offer other moms. So I was thrilled to invite her to write for this MomVitational Motherhood Series!

Here’s Jane!

Once in a while I am completely thrown by the reality that my children are as old as they are! They all have birthdays in the next 6 months and by June, will be 15, 18 and wait for it….. 21.

When they were small ~ yesterday in fact ~ I desperately wanted to be the BEST MOM EVER. I birthed them in progressively more natural ways with the last one being born at home, wore them, breastfed them until they self-weaned, co-slept, used cloth diapers, challenged the system by asking for a flexible schedule at work and even brought my two youngest with me until I was ready to leave them with a sitter.

When they started solids it was healthy, often organic and homemade. I questioned EVERYTHING. I fretted over EVERYTHING. I homeschooled my oldest for a year+ when he was unhappy in school, volunteered, carpooled, signed them up for enrichment opportunities, brought them to church, moved from one town to the next for better schools despite what it did to our household budget. I made charts, I distributed chores, I taught skills, I disciplined, I hugged and kissed, yelled and spanked.

They are growing into the most amazing adults IN SPITE of all this.

I don’t mean to imply that all the above was for naught, because it wasn’t. I’m pretty sure that my children all have a healthy respect for many of the things I value about raising children. I have no doubt my daughters will nurse their babies and may even have homebirths. I’m pretty sure my son will support the future mother of his children to do the same. The most important characteristics I see my children developing are not what I “taught” them, but what I “modeled” for them.

They are nurturing, loving, passionate individuals NOT because of any of the things I did above, but because my husband and I have modeled a life based on love. We have chosen career paths that we feel passionate about. We have involved ourselves in causes and activities that bring us joy and pleasure. We have nurtured not only our children but other children, friends and neighbors as well. The focus of our existence has NOT been our own children, but our own lives and our broader community. Our children have been a lovely, important part of our lives (and will continue to be), but at the end of the day, we have taught them best by living lives that we are proud of and that they can aspire to.

The actual “skills” that I fretted my children would never have if I didn’t “teach” them are ones that they have learned best from watching us too. They are all capable of cleaning when necessary. They can make beds, wash dishes, dust and vacuum. They can even clean a bathroom. My son has taught himself to make soups of all kinds and is experiencing the pleasure of nurturing others with its warmth. Teaching them to do these things “our way” was never as effective as giving them the assignment and the tools and letting them figure it out and then praising the outcome.

Over the last few years I have written about the challenges of launching my teenagers. In reality, I have been launching them since the moment they left my womb. Everything we do as parents is, focused on preparing our young ones to go out into the world and make it better. If our focus is on raising “well behaved children” or “accomplished children”, or being my child’s best friend, we are doing them a disservice.

When we live lives of joy, passion and service, they are immersed in a world that allows them to teach themselves those characteristics that are MOST important. It allows them to create their own life they can be proud of ~ a life that will bring them joy and happiness.

Isn’t that what life is all about anyways?

Jane Roets is a Connecticut mom with three children, and the owner/director at Arts From the Heart! Besides all that, she writes lovely posts on her blog about her children flying Out of the Nest! Visit her. Read her. And I’m sure you’ll love her like so many do!