Mommy: Impossible

I seriously need Robert Irvine from the Food Network to visit my house. Now, I would probably cry because he would most likely shout at me for all my poorly sharpened chef’s knives (I have four, they are all terrible!), and also for the way I chop vegetables nearly cutting my fingers off all the time.

But I need serious help. Seriously.

I am a really good baker. But a terrible “chef.” Honest. Not gonna lie to ya.

Last night’s dinner is case in point. Here’s how it went down.

I was planning to make something chicken-ish. Went downstairs to the 2nd freezer (yes, like all good Italians, I have two refrigerators in my house!). Was about to take out a pack of frozen chicken when I looked in the fridge and saw a bag with a package of meat in it. What? I look inside and it’s ground beef/veal/pork for meatloaf (I use it for meatballs though – it’s awesome!).

Hmm? I thought. Did hubby take this out? Did he just put it in the fridge whilst rearranging the freezer (sometimes he has to reorganize for me – it is TOO cold for me to ever finish organizing in one sitting).Bemused, I figured since the meat was already thawed, I’d better use it tonight. All righty. Meatballs it is. I actually had the energy for it since baby is now sleeping through the night.

First, I took two of our precious jars of tomato sauce canned last summer (those babies are like red gold to us and we only have FOUR left!). Set that to bubbling in the crock-pot with some spices.

Then I set about mixing up egg, breadcrumbs, etc., for meatballs – mix, mix, mix. It came together so nicely. I used a fork and didn’t even get my hands dirty until the ball-forming stage. Form the meatballs gently (not too firmly packed or they get dense and rubbery), and buried them in the spicy red sauce. Cover and set on high to cook.

About 3:30, I checked the pot. Took a spoonful of sauce and, I tell you, it was the BEST-TASTING sauce I have ever made. Ever. No lie. Spicy, a little salty, tomato-y with the flavor of the meatballs. I was elated, since I’ve had  a series of undercooked or overcooked dinners lately. This was going to be my gold-star moment!

***

Hubby came home about 4:00 p.m. Looked in the pot. Asks me, “Did you use the meat from the fridge downstairs?”

ME: “Yes?” (puzzled) OH! Were you saving that for something? Did you want me to make something else?

HUBBY: (also puzzled) Well, nooooo. But… I found that meat on TOP of the freezer this morning when I went to get my lunch for school. Had you taken it out last night to thaw?

ME: (more puzzled than EVER). Ummm…. nooooo. I wasn’t even planning to HAVE meatballs tonight.

[We both stare at each other!]

HUBBY: Then when did you put the meat on top of the freezer?

[Looooooooong silence.]

ME: (finally!) I. Have. No. Idea.

***

Truly, I have NO recollection of putting that meat on top of the freezer. That can only mean one of two things:

1. I have a hole in my mind! (Babylon 5 reference if anyone cares!) or
2. I put that meat on top of the freezer a Looooong time ago and totally forgot about it. Sadly, number two is most likely.

I stared at the lovely, simmering pot of sauce. “But it was the best tasting sauce I ever made!” I wailed.

Hubby bravely offered to eat it anyway. “It’s cool in the basement, right? Maybe it’s okay?”

I absolutely forbid it. “You’ll get food poisoning. People die from food poisoning. No. Absolutely not.”

And so. We had to throw out an ENTIRE pot of meatballs and sauce. That would’ve probably given us at least two meals. And we wasted TWO jars of homemade sauce. (NOTE: Tomatoes don’t ripen until August. AUGUST!).

And, with the tantalizing smell of meatballs in the air, we had to have microwaved black beans on tortilla wraps for dinner. Sigh. There is a glaringly blank spot in my “Mommy’s Gold Stars” chart today.

Robert Irvine! We need you over here! Stat!

Have you ever had a dinner that entirely failed on you? How did you rescue it?