“Good night! Good night! Parting is such sweet sorrow, that I shall say good night till it be morrow.” ~Romeo & Juliet / Shakespeare
He slept through the night! You’d think I’d be rejoicing…Isn’t that what all new moms pray for when baby is 3, 4, 5 weeks old? I found myself awakened at 4 am by the silence. Shouldn’t he be crying, gurgling, fussing in his sleep for me, his mama? The hollow whirring of the humidifier was no comfort. I felt his chest. Yep – still breathing. I knew I should’ve never put him to bed last night – I should’ve just held him and held him and held him, and as in Romeo & Juliet, said good night until the morning with him in my arms. I wondered if maybe I should’ve become a co-sleeping mom after all!
No night feeding left me wide awake with no handsome little boy for company, no sleep-limp body to cuddle, no drowsy smile to make me feel warm and fuzzy. I felt like I’d been stood up on a date! This was the first time Baby and I had gone straight from “good night” to “good morning” without a mid-night rendezvous for a feeding.
Awake and feeling a bit helpless, I prowled the Internet, jumped a mile when the morning paper hit the front door, then put myself back to bed…where I lay until 6 am, I heard a small cry. I used to wait and see if maybe he would settle or needed his pacifier put back in. Not today! I jumped out of bed – hello, my little one, are you hungry!? I was never so happy to scoop that little swaddled baby into my arms and trot off to the nursery to, well, nurse (that IS what you do in a nursery, right?).
The pale pre-dawn light filtering through the shades gave his creamy smooth cheeks a pearlized glow, and I sat, stroking the silkiness of his skin and the soft fuzz of his little egg-head. So THIS is what the breast-feeding books are always talking about. I finally get it.