Standing in the shallows {Old Saybrook, Connecticut}

He stood in the shallow tide pool for awhile. Hesitant to move on. He’d slowly dip his feet in. Inch in a little deeper. Look for reassurance.

Then as his little toes got used to the water, snails, hermit crabs, and gritty sand. He became bolder. Walking, skipping, hopping along the shore. Then running. In and out of the shallows.

I watched his reflection follow him all the while in the shimmering wet sands.

We examined the ridges in the sand created by the tides pushing and pulling. We discovered shells and seaweed (he touched some!). Avoided jellyfish (but counted their pink, gelatinous bodies into the dozens). Chased each other in circles on the hard-packed sand. He rode the waves in a gigantic tube, like the captain of his own ship.

And he grew. Taller, it seemed. Bolder as he ran into the waves unbounded.

Great splashes of joy and water rose into the summer morning.

Slowly, like the great tide coming, my emotions rose up inside… I was that child. Beginning motherhood three years ago. Standing in the shallows. Hesitant to move on. Dipping my feet in. Inching slowly into the new and unfamiliar. The sights, sounds, textures of motherhood. Baby sighs like waves as he slept on my chest… ripples and ridges of fingers and toes all wrinkly-born.

I examined baby ears, and tufts of hair, and discovered new teeth and smiles and laughs and hugs and words with him. And he grew. And I grew. Bolder, maybe. Motherhood grew on me slowly.

Great splashes of joy and love rise up around me… even on the hardest days… even on the rainy-stay-in-the-house-we’ll-just-read-books days. The this-isn’t-what-I-had-planned days. The I’m-so-sorry-I’m-not-a-perfect-mom days.

I can see my reflection… the new mother I started out as? Or the mother I hope to become?

Now with two babies, I’m wading out a bit further. Into the thick of motherhood. I look around, and what I see feels familiar. Comfortable, even, on most days.

And the water’s fine out here.

{Photos from our trip to Old Saybrook, Connecticut}