Yesterday we had a hearts-and-crafty day, digging around the Valentine’s sensory bin, making chocolate candies and cookies out of chocolate scented playdough. A friend of mine commented about all our lovey crafts and joked about how they were going to be well-prepared to be perfect Valentine’s when they were older.
Certainly, my hope is for our boys to learn about God’s love and how to love others. But how will they learn that?
Oh our little ones, how they long to be loved!!
Behind the scrubby faces and under the dirty nails, past the frustration of navigating a sea of LEGO bricks, and the constant asking them to quiet their monkey, dinosaur, and dragon uproar… When I look past the noise of these boys: They love, and they want to be loved!
As mothers, we have an amazing ministry opportunity to show love to our kids, to teach them love in a language they will understand.
(affiliate link) Did you know each of us has our own Love Language? This concept is explored in Gary Chapman’s The 5 Love Languages book series. He explores the idea that each of us expresses and receives love in about five different ways.
From my teaching background, I understand we each learn in different ways, or learning styles. So, it makes sense people would have a variety of ways to understand love. Chapman proposes that there are five basic ways to receive and give love: words, touch, gifts, time, service.
When do kids start showing us their love preferences?
I’m not sure, but I when our boys were ages five and three, they already favored their own distinct expression of love.
One of our boys clearly loves physical touch – he snuggles, hugs, holds hands all day long.
Our other son craves quality time – always asking me to play with him, wanting to be by our sides, working with us no matter what we do.
I didn’t always recognize the ways my boys received love. I knew they had different personalities, but I didn’t see it as them telling me how they longed to be loved.
It took me time to recognize my oldest’s love language. He was not a snuggler, instead, he was pretty quiet. He could easily entertain himself as long as I was in view. Yet, he would frequently ask me to play with him. One day, he asked me to play, and in my busy-mom fashion, I tried to multi-task. As we moved the toys around, I surreptitiously picked up toys and put them in their baskets. “Mom!” my son said, “You’re not playing, you’re organizing!” When I was distracted, turning playtime into chore time, he could tell I was not WITH him.
I realized he wanted more than my proximity. He wanted that quality time, that deeper immersion into his world. So from then on, when we would “play” together, I was sure to set aside distractions. I am not the best “inventive” play-person, so I would ask him, “What part should I play? Who should I be?” in his make-believe world, and would act accordingly.
How to: Loving our kids they way they long to be loved
With two boys who love and receive love in different ways, I often find myself stretched in opposite directions. Sometimes I’m “touched out” and don’t want more snuggle time. Other days, life is busy, and I have to keep telling my son, “not just yet… we don’t have time for that game today…”
Graciously, God uses people and events in our lives to help us as mothers. Last month, I wrote a guest post for The MOB Society: The Meaning of Walking Alonside Our Boys. It’s about intentionally leading them know God’s purpose for their life. I hope you’ll find a blessing there whether you’re a boy mom or not!
In another post, The MOB Society editors asked us to share how we can go about intentionally loving our kids in their particular “love language.”
So a group of us boy-moms pooled our collective understanding and experiences in loving our boys. We’re learning from each other… How to find our son’s love languages, how to parent out of love….
It’s a wonderful series… And you can even grab a free printable too!
Do you know your child’s love language? I invite you to come learn with us… how to go about loving our kids in the way they most long to be loved by us!
Affiliate links have been used in this post. I receive a small commission from purchases made after clicking on this link.
