**Addendum** This post has sparked a lot of chatter among my online and offline friends. I think that’s a good thing. I want to preface by saying this is just one mama’s musing about why it’s hard to “let go” and put your child in the nursery. I speak semi-tongue-in-cheek. I am NOT making a judgment on nursery workers or saying the nursery is “bad.” Ultimately, I believe it’s every mom’s decision about if/when it’s right for their family to put their child in the nursery. Please read with these thoughts in mind! Thanks.
Among other things (spiders, randomness, unfriendly people), I am afraid of putting our baby in the church nursery. Reading Stephanie at Metropolitan Mama’s post about why she doesn’t use the nursery only gave me more to think about.
Nevertheless, our baby is nearly 6 months old, and so, I have recently started putting him in the church nursery… um, sometimes. Don’t get me wrong – our church nursery has good development in cleanliness and health/safety guidelines for workers. But, I’m a new mom, and I still have “new mom anxiety!” And, I hate that mostly I started putting him in because of pressure from people. I’m not opposed to the nursery in my OWN church, (not so much if we were visiting a church!), but as a new mom, I waffle on nursery vs. no nursery:
- I want to listen to an entire sermon without being distracted (he is active and vocal!) BUT… if I am worried about my baby in the nursery, that is also distracting, mentally!
- I want him to be independent and not scream if he is separated from me (with my permission) BUT… if I leave and he does start screaming, I am not okay with that!!
- I want him to meet other kids and learn social skills (since we aren’t doing day care and we’ll be home schooling) BUT… I don’t want him catching their colds or picking up bad habits from kids I don’t know.
- I don’t want to hand him off to strangers BUT… then again, most of the nursery workers in my church are personal friends or family.
- I like that there’s a place for babies and young children to go BUT… I want my children to be IN church with their family early on to learn the importance of worshipping as a family
So you can see why I might go back and forth? And then I deal with the laundry list of other fears:
- my baby will miss me
- I will miss my baby
- my baby will chew on the floor, dirt, sharp objects (kidding!), or even worse – a toy another baby has chewed on.
- my baby will eat someone else’s food (hello, food allergies!)
- no one can love my baby the way I do (okay, I KNOW this is true!)
- someone will throw away my cloth diapers, or even worse, not change my baby at all b/c he is cloth diapered!
- my baby will get dropped on his head (or any other soft and lovie part of him!)
- there are germs that will transfer to my baby and he will get the first sickness of his tiny life
- other kids have cooties (come on, we all knew this to be true when we were younger. Nothing has changed).
What to do? I compromise. I hold my baby during the song service – he enjoys the singing and people-watching. Then I feed him and, if I’m feeling brave and he’s agreeable, I put him in the nursery for the last half of the service… well, you know, when I can work up the nerve… Right now I’m easing in with the times my mom, sister or sister-in-law are on duty – who better to introduce him to the nursery than Grandma and aunties, right?
So, next time I decline your offer to watch him into the church nursery… it’s not because I don’t like you (well… maybe it is…ha ha), it’s probably because I am still figuring out what I want to do as a new mom and am just not comfortable letting my little one go into the nursery full time yet. I’ll get there… but in my own time!
Thoughts? Advice? Do you use your church nursery? Why or why not?
P.S. I don't think babies (under age 1) need to learn "social skills" from their peers. ;)[email protected]
P.S. I don't think babies (under age 1) need to learn "social skills" from their peers. ;)[email protected]
In time, you will get in a groove and you'll figure out what works for both of you. For now, just go with what makes you the most comfortable.
In time, you will get in a groove and you'll figure out what works for both of you. For now, just go with what makes you the most comfortable.
Well obviously you know how I feel, since you read my blog entry on it! :)I think the nursery is great… but keeping kids in church with you is even better.The church I went to (and the one we're visiting and still deciding on now) had a room especially for mothers to go with their young children. At my old church, it was a room off the ladies restroom, and it had a couch and two chairs, plus a table and a TV airing the worship and sermon so whoever is in there could watch. The church we're deciding on now has a room full of rocking chairs and plenty of space for babies to crawl around and play, plus a TV to watch the sermon. So I'm very blessed to have that option. Right now, we keep our girls (3 years and 9.5 months) in the sanctuary with us during worship, and then for as much of the message as they will keep themselves occupied for. 🙂 And then I take my 3-year-old to her class and my 9.5-month-old (who is a Mama's girl without a doubt) stays with me and we go to the Mother's Room. It's a pretty good system, I think! 🙂
Well obviously you know how I feel, since you read my blog entry on it! :)I think the nursery is great… but keeping kids in church with you is even better.The church I went to (and the one we're visiting and still deciding on now) had a room especially for mothers to go with their young children. At my old church, it was a room off the ladies restroom, and it had a couch and two chairs, plus a table and a TV airing the worship and sermon so whoever is in there could watch. The church we're deciding on now has a room full of rocking chairs and plenty of space for babies to crawl around and play, plus a TV to watch the sermon. So I'm very blessed to have that option. Right now, we keep our girls (3 years and 9.5 months) in the sanctuary with us during worship, and then for as much of the message as they will keep themselves occupied for. 🙂 And then I take my 3-year-old to her class and my 9.5-month-old (who is a Mama's girl without a doubt) stays with me and we go to the Mother's Room. It's a pretty good system, I think! 🙂
oh you lucky duck – have family to help you in nursery 🙂 My biggest concern is just that he hasn't been away from me and not sure how he'd react. Plus he's always tired and I don't want the nursery dealing with a cranky baby. But I really liked your idea of having him there during the singing worship and then moving him in nursery. That is a good way to start! And maybe it would let me hear the whole sermon 🙂
oh you lucky duck – have family to help you in nursery 🙂 My biggest concern is just that he hasn't been away from me and not sure how he'd react. Plus he's always tired and I don't want the nursery dealing with a cranky baby. But I really liked your idea of having him there during the singing worship and then moving him in nursery. That is a good way to start! And maybe it would let me hear the whole sermon 🙂
We don't have a nursery at our Church, and I'm kind of glad that we don't, because there's no pressure to drop our toddler off there. She's hit a rough patch lately (since she's become a big sister) and no longer sits quietly through the entire Mass. But it's been getting easier the last couple of weeks (there were only three really bad weeks where we were taking her out and having time outs every ten or so minutes) and I'm kind of of the mind set that she has to learn at some point and she does certainly seem to be getting the idea now… I'll be glad when we're through the tantrum phase though!
We don't have a nursery at our Church, and I'm kind of glad that we don't, because there's no pressure to drop our toddler off there. She's hit a rough patch lately (since she's become a big sister) and no longer sits quietly through the entire Mass. But it's been getting easier the last couple of weeks (there were only three really bad weeks where we were taking her out and having time outs every ten or so minutes) and I'm kind of of the mind set that she has to learn at some point and she does certainly seem to be getting the idea now… I'll be glad when we're through the tantrum phase though!
I didn't use the nursery when we went to a regular church. There were a lot of reasons most of which you mentioned. The most important reason though is because I want my children to learn how to worship and to do it together as a family. We now attend at a house church and our children are learning to sit quietly and still and listen to what is being said. Of course we have our moments of distraction but nothing will ever be perfect. 🙂
I didn't use the nursery when we went to a regular church. There were a lot of reasons most of which you mentioned. The most important reason though is because I want my children to learn how to worship and to do it together as a family. We now attend at a house church and our children are learning to sit quietly and still and listen to what is being said. Of course we have our moments of distraction but nothing will ever be perfect. 🙂
Didn't Jesus say Let the little children come to me? Not, let the perfect and well behaved children come to me?We have always chosen to bring our children to mass, however if they act up we remove them/calm them down and then go back in. Your vocation right now is a wife and Mother, and even though you may be distracted, you are there and God knows what is in your heart : )
Didn't Jesus say Let the little children come to me? Not, let the perfect and well behaved children come to me?We have always chosen to bring our children to mass, however if they act up we remove them/calm them down and then go back in. Your vocation right now is a wife and Mother, and even though you may be distracted, you are there and God knows what is in your heart : )
You have to go with what you feel is right. I personally think that the little ones belong in church so if they fuss or scream out then that is when you teach them about being quite. It is something that they have to learn-and will do so over time. If you know who is in the nursery and you take him there for a little break then that is OK, too! I LOVE hearing the little ones in church. "Let the little Children come to me…"
You have to go with what you feel is right. I personally think that the little ones belong in church so if they fuss or scream out then that is when you teach them about being quite. It is something that they have to learn-and will do so over time. If you know who is in the nursery and you take him there for a little break then that is OK, too! I LOVE hearing the little ones in church. "Let the little Children come to me…"